The Waiting

So now we are around day 23 (21 days from breeding tomorrow, but you generally count the day of ovulation as day 0, and she likely ovulated between July 19 and 20). I can’t help but feel anxious, I am scared to make plans or even think too hard about puppies, because the last time was really quite devastating, and we are getting into the (highway to the) “danger zone” in terms of when resorption can occur.

I look back through my notes from last year, and I see that day 35 was a Friday (June 24), and I remember she was looking “filled in” and losing her waist a bit, and I was starting to think about getting the whelping box set up and moving into the guest room with her. The Saturday I remember her lying beside me and feeling that she was getting rounder. And then the next day, that Sunday, I began to suspect that she was resorbing. I started measuring her waist and asking Jim if he thought she was looking smaller. I could see her shrinking. And then June 30, I called Kim and had her confirm what I already knew, that they were gone. I do remember that we only found one likely implantation site, and I do try to keep in mind that we were only about 90% sure that she was pregnant at all, and if she was, it was likely only one or two, and that resorption of one or two puppies is quite common.

But still.

I keep remembering that massive shift from happy anticipation to worry to dread to crushing disappointment.

I tell myself it’s going to be what it is. But Zhora is all that is left of Nina (other than Nina herself, of course), and she has so much that I think this breed needs, or at least things I think are important. And she and Bert are such a good combination, at least on paper.

We are getting into the “danger zone” in terms of timing, and of course I still don’t even know if she’s pregnant at all! We will check next week.

I keep reminding myself that my very experienced and supportive breeder friend Lynn told me that none of her girls ever “seemed” pregnant and she never knew for sure until day 28-30. She also told me she had a litter of 4 from a “one and done” breeding (a normal-sized litter for her breed, and all girls!). And many, many breeders only ever do one on purpose (how many “oops” litters are from a single tie?). Jenni’s awesome stud just sired a litter which seems to have a lot of puppies cooking, also a “one and done”. So we will just have to wait and see.

I am so very lucky to have so many wonderful breeder and dog person friends both online and in real life, who have given me great advice and generous support. This is a very big deal to me, and I am so grateful to have folks in my life who understand that.

I am trying not to fret. Trying hard. The waiting is the hardest part. For now, anyway!

One Response to “The Waiting”

  1. E Says:

    My heart goes out to you during this difficult & stressful time. It’s totally understandable to feel anxious! Wishing you strength and calm & good fortune. <3

Leave a Reply